Well, here is the next portion of our story that we are working on. I hope you like it.
All excerpts from Pray to the Shadow-man, copyright 2015 by Wendy Siefken
Six months later,
Detective John Casey stood in the middle of the living room looking over the gruesome scene. A chair sat in the middle with what was left of an adult torso while body parts were scattered around the room from floor to ceiling. The torso showed signs of torture like cuts, burns, whipping, and others he couldn’t quite identify just by looking at them. It looked like every one of them were inflicted antemortem. The police and techs were going over every inch of the house trying to find out who the victim was and why he died like this.
“We need to find out who owns this house and who this might be.” He motioned to the corpse. Looking over at the new rookie he said, “Rick, why don’t you run down the information for us. The letters in the foyer were addressed to several different people; we need to nail this down.” John said.
“Yes Sir, I am glad to get on that.” Rick turned to the door, looking a little green.
A call came over the radio, “John, you need to come up to the third floor in the attic.”
John headed to the stairs as another rookie came charging down with a hand over his mouth.
“Don’t contaminate the crime scene!” John yelled after him. He shook his head as once again he started up the stairs. The stairway was wide and carpeted with what had once been a luxurious red runner held in place with a brass rod now tarnished and faded. The hand railing was a dark mahogany that had seen better days. The house at one time had been a grand place but had now fallen into disrepair. Reaching the second floor landing he walked down a hallway looking at the police as they went about their work collecting evidence. In the first room he came to a detective was putting C.D.s into an evidence bag with a T.V. and a blue ray player. Techs were dusting for fingerprints everywhere, on doorknobs, dressers, bed railings and anywhere that a hand may have touched a surface. The next room he passed was dark inside due to the windows covered with what looked like tinfoil. A flashlight shone around illuminating pictures taped to a wall next to a bed.
He passed a bathroom where items were being placed into an evidence bag from the medicine chest as well as the counter tops. There were two other doors across the hallway, one room held chains and hooks as well as other shiny metal items that John didn’t want to contemplate right now. The last door was locked with several keyed deadbolts and a master padlock. A tech kneeled in front of the door with his lock picking kit laying open. A sign on the door read “Favorite”.
Shaking his head, he finally reached the stairs leading up to the attic. A smell of mothballs and rotting flesh assaulted his nostrils as he placed his foot on the first step. Bracing his hand on the wall a moment, the odor alone told him, it was going to be bad. John reached the top step where he paused long enough to pull out a handkerchief to cover his nose and mouth. A stocky man stood by a doorway leading into a room. John looked around and could see several doors leading into rooms with the stairway being the central spot.
“Jesus Dan, it smells horrible up here! It must be a hundred and twenty degrees up here to boot!” John said.
“Through here John, brace yourself; it’s a regular chamber of friggin horrors up here.” Dan said as he led John into the first room.
A table sat in the middle of the room with decorations for what looked like a birthday party with six chairs sitting around it. In the chairs were six little bodies posed in different positions and different stages of decomposition. The warm dry air had mummified them, forever freezing them like a picture from a nightmarish postcard. It was very evident even to John that these children had been tortured before they died.
“There are two more rooms like this one up here. Each staged with six little bodies.” Dan said with disgust.
“What kind of place is this? How is it we have never known about it?” John said as he bent down looking at one of the bodies and continued. “I’ve been a cop for over ten years and you Dan, for what like fifteen?”
Dan shook his head, just as puzzled, “None of this makes any sense.” Dan said.
I hope you enjoyed it.
2 thoughts on “Pray to the Shadow-man.”
You’ve got a really good start here. My opinion is, you’re going to have to get a lot more graphic with the body of the adult male and the small children. Write the scene and put the reader right in the middle of the horror of it all. Why are the rookie cops feeling sick? Gore splatters? This will also add to the characterization of your main detective. Is he hard nosed and nothing effects him? In his mannerisms is he feeling the true horror of the scene? You can really make this scene hum with some showing in small ways to get the reader involved. Generalizations probably won’t work. Sad but true is in horror, making the reader feel the icy fingers of death up their spine or the cloying scent of death in their nostrils sell novels. People want to have the living stink scared out of them. Using the 5 (and sometimes 6th) senses will pull the reader in the scene and have them turning the pages. You’re going to have to decide how dark you want to go with this piece, Stephen King dark? or slightly dark? I do like what you have already, it only needs a good juice up (pardon the analogy…lol) You have a lot of talent. You’re going to write something amazing!
I love what I’m seeing. Need to see what comes next!
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