This year has been a tough year so far. I just haven’t figured out how to get over the death of my brother. We both had separate lives but he was my brother. We were only 18 months apart so very close growing up. I miss him more than I can say. I know life is supposed to go on. We are supposed to find our “normal” life again but I just don’t seem to be able to find it. Last year I was gung ho about getting our paperback books out for people to read. This year, since his passing, I have had a real struggle to find my footing again. I feel like a big part of me has been lost. He was so strong and hardly ever sick. He was the outgoing and easily made friends. I was the shy more reclusive sibling. I just wish he were still here.
On the writing front, I have the Kai’s Journey series done and finally put to bed. The box set, the adult version and all three of the books out as well. Now to move on to our next adventure of writing. I know we have Fallen Angel and The Gas Pipe Murders to do and get published. I just want to keep going and keep moving. Maybe my way out is through storytelling. I hope it helps get me out of the funk.
I worry about my mom, but at the same time I fear losing her, this causing me to distance myself from her. She hates taking her meds to help keep her from having another stroke. Which worries me. Charlie was her favorite kid. Trust me, after 40 plus years, I’m o.k with it. It is what it is. She still loves me too, but he was her baby boy. I know we all have to pass someday but I had hoped Charlie would be the last of us, he was the first.
I’m tired and scared that I may never get back to where I was. I keep trying but often wonder what is the point? No not offing myself, just don’t know how to continue with life, work, everything. I just wish I could find a way to move forward. Maybe the murder writings will help as well as the space exploration. I hope everyone has a wonderful evening.
Siefken Publications 